Ban All Christmas Songs!

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” — That song is about rape. Ban it!

“Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” — Promotes bullying. Ban it!

“Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.” — A private individual giving away things? That’s the government’s job! Ban it!

“White Christmas.” — Obviously a song by the Ku Klux Klan. Ban it!

“Jingle Bells.” — Promotes violence against horses. Ban it!

“Frosty the Snow Man.” — Exploitation of a non-human. Ban it!

“Joy to the World.” — Promotes the privilege of the happy. Ban it!

“Oh Holy Night.” — Tribalist song with no inclusivity for other religions. Ban it!

“Santa Baby.” — Encourages women to depend on the Patriarchy. Ban it!

“Do They Know It’s Christmas.” — Rich white men colonizing the hungry of Africa. Ban it!

This is what happens when people whose heads are too full of sociological theories decide to become holiday music critics. Why do they bother listening? They don’t even celebrate Christmas. Oh … That’s it, isn’t it.

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